Gender Expression as Art—Elliott Rae
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Alexa Ashley: This is Alexa Ashley with Eyes Wide. In January of 2020, I got to sit down with makeup artist, model, and designer, Elliott Rae Stone, to talk about technicality and gender expression as art.
Elliott Ray Stone: I was a very curious child. I did ask a lot of questions and I still do ask a lot of questions. I think then I just didn't know what questions to ask. I would ask questions and not really be able to get any answers because nobody really knew how to answer the questions that I was asking, because they were very nonspecific.
They weren't questions that necessarily had answers. And so now I know how to ask a question. I do remember I was one of those kids, I'd go play outside and make mud pies and we had animals. And so we would run around with our dogs and do sports, that's what I remember from being a kid.
As I got into being probably like 10 and 11, my mom was actually a Creative Memories—I forget what they're called—but the ones who sell the supplies for scrapbooking. So I actually really got into scrapbooking for a while because my mom had all the supplies and I was like, I want to do that.
It's fun shapes and colors and pictures. And I got to use little cutters and stamps and stickers. And I do remember my grandma used to host card-making parties where you would do embossing and you get to play with glitter and felt tip pens. I do remember being interested in wanting to participate in a lot of that, but I wasn't necessarily ever given the opportunity to participate because it was all the adults. I didn't start doing art until closer to middle school, high school. I was president of the tech club at school. And I was on the board of directors for the art club in high school. But when I was really, really young, it was all about sports and learning.
So I was playing soccer and I was doing school and AP classes and extracurriculars and it wasn't until I got to college that I actually started exploring the creative side of my brain. Because I started school as a chemistry major, anticipating doing science the rest of my life.
And I didn't know what kind of science I just knew that was what I was going to go to school for. And then after a year I was like, I just don't love it. I don't feel passion for it. I don't really want to do it anymore. And so I actually changed my major without telling my family. I was working at school over the summer and I was just thinking a lot about what I liked about the science program and what I didn't, and it ultimately came down to, I didn't love the math, I didn't love the actual science. I loved the visual reality of science.
So when we were doing the reactions and we got to make things change color in the test tubes by adding different chemicals or when we got to light something on fire and it grew, or it had a blue flame or a purple flame, like that's what I loved. And then I realized that design was something that kind of mixed the technical with the art. So it took me a couple of tries to get there. First I thought maybe I'll do English or maybe I'll do writing. I didn't have any clue. So I was just taking my common core curriculum.
And then I think I took, I want to say it was either an art history class or like a sculpture class. And once I took that class, I was like, this is what I want to do. I like the technicality and I like the art. Then I realized that a lot of the technical things that I was doing as a kid were artistic.
It just didn't feel like it because of the mentality that I had had, because when I was president of the tech club, I was doing web design. We were learning coding and so I was doing a lot with color and color theory and yes, I was doing it in a programming language, but I was creating art essentially.
And we would do little video games in flash or like it was basically a multimedia course. So we would do little things here and there. And I was in a pottery class. So it shouldn't have been a surprise to my family because half of my family are artists.
My mom's side of the family, her sister's husband is a designer and a 3d artist. Her brother is a graphic designer. My dad's mom is a painter. It's not too far off from the rest of my family. It's just that wasn't a part of our culture growing up because my dad was in technology. So that's like what we assumed we all were going to do.
And then now as an adult, I realize how much more art can be. So drag is a crazy art form. And so, I've done drag a couple of times just to kind of have fun with expression and honestly gender is art. And so even experimenting with how I present in gender has been really awesome to explore in the concept of art and what I can do with clothing and fashion and makeup and hair.
I feel like honestly art can be anything that elicits a reaction out of another person. There's so much, I've been watching Glow Up on Netflix, which is a makeup artistry show. And one of the things that they talk about is, it makes us have different opinions, it's art, because it makes us have different opinions about it.
And so I thought that was really cool. Gender and the exploration of gender has been around since the dawn of time. There have always been people who don't feel like they fit into the construct of gender. And that's proven with Native American two-spirit people, they literally have a word for it.
And that was before colonizers came over and created the Americas. So I definitely do get a lot of heteronormative CIS people who are shocked or confused. And I think it's just because they don't necessarily understand the scope. They don't understand that kind of the lack of a binary.
That's all they know life is, like black and white, man and woman, fire and ice. There's two opposite and opposing things. They don't realize it's on a spectrum and there's a lot in the middle too, and a lot on either side. So drag is an expression of hyper-femininity, and that's kind of why drag exists.
This was an exploration of that. And then you have drag kings who are the opposite side of the spectrum, which is an exploration of hyper-masculinity. But then you also have men and women, and then you have kind of everything in between where as an assigned male at birth who leans towards a lot of traditionally more feminine things, I never fit into one or the other.
I was always kind of somewhere in the middle. So the fact that I've been able to explore that and kind of interact with people in that way has been a lot, there've been definitely some instances where I'm afraid and then there are some instances where I feel really free.
Now it's gotten to the point of kind of just being comfortable. So if I'm going out and I haven't shaved and I'm not wearing makeup but I want to wear a pair of heels and a dress, I don't feel weird because I used to feel like I had to present as feminine or masculine. Like those are the only two options, but surrounding myself with people who kind of break those norms has kind of allowed me to be comfortable and expressing that.
So now I'm like, I kind of just do whatever the fuck I want. If I feel super feminine one day with my body, but not my face. I'm fine with that. If I want to just be scrubbing it in like a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt, but go full glam, I'll do that too. I think honestly, I kind of get joy now out of eliciting a reaction from people in whatever way it is, whether it's confused or excited or angry, because it starts a dialogue, it starts a conversation about it. I'm very passionate about helping people understand the dynamic of gender. When I'm wearing four-inch stilettos— because I'm already 6 feet tall—so when I wear stilettos I'm 6,4.
So I'm this very, very tall, thin person walking around in the city and people are like, who's that? What's going on? Is something happening? But more so than anything, I think the biggest joy I experience when I present as more feminine or as confusing to people, is little kids.
My favorite thing is when little kids come up and ask me, like, “are you a boy or a girl?” And I can have that conversation and say, neither, I don't feel one way or the other, or when a kid will ask their parents, and then it forces that parent to have that conversation. I've gotten to overhear some really, really nice conversations.
There's been some that aren't so nice, but I've gotten to kind of hear the goodness of people through how parents explain to their kids the openness of gender. There was one conversation in particular. I was at work and I was wearing a dress and heels and makeup and this little kid asked their parent what gender I was essentially.
And then the parent was like, why don't you go ask? So then this little kid came over to me and was like, “are you a boy or a girl?” And I told them, “both or neither, I don't necessarily feel one way or the other.” And then they went back to their parent and asked, “what does that mean?”
And so then the parent was able to explain that sometimes people don't feel like a boy or a girl and they kind of just like to look how they want to look. And I was like, that's so wholesome. And I love that they did that and took the time to educate their kid, instead of just being prejudiced or close-minded about it.
I think it helps that I'm a really nice person too. So I never get upset at people. And so if people are rude or don't know. Like when people ask my pronouns, I'm like, whatever you want. Literally I don't care. I respond to any of them. And it honestly depends on how I feel at the time.
So some days I do feel like I'm more gender neutral. And so then I'm like, oh, they them works. Or like some days I do feel more masculine. So I'm like, oh, he him. And then other days I'm presenting very feminine in those times I'm usually like she, or they works just as well. So people are always very appreciative that I don't care. But it took a long time to get there. I mean, I would say the last two to three years have probably been the most explorative of gender and identity and have brought me to the point where I don't care. Because before that I was very aware and that was one of my buttons that people would push on purpose and I'm like, whatever.
I don't know that it was necessarily a trigger. I think just for so long, I felt like I had to pretend to be something that I wasn't. That anytime I wasn't identified in the way that I was trying to present, I got upset and was basically like, “How do I fix that? How do I make it seem like I am more masculine and identify as he,” so I shaved my head or would wear short buzz cuts or very short hairstyles.
And I would wear baggy jeans and boots instead of well-fitting clothing. I have always had a higher voice and that's one of the things I haven't ever been able to change. And so after college, when I moved to Seattle, to the Hill(Capitol Hill), instead of Queen Anne, was when I kind of finally started meeting people who didn't necessarily identify one way or the other.
And it allowed me to explore comfortably because I knew that they were respectful and that they were a part of that community. It was more so just a shift in my thought process, but it had to happen. And so it happened and it's great. I guess I did explore it a little bit as a kid, but in secret.
I would always try on my mom's heels, when she wasn't there, if she had any, I don't actually remember that she had any, but I would try on her flats, like the ballet flats that have the cute little accessories. Or I would always sneak in her makeup bag and put lipstick on or mascara or something, but there wasn't a space to explore it because my family was very masculine growing up.
It's all guys except for my mom. So I have two brothers and my dad. And so we would do hunting and fishing and dirt biking and outdoors and cars. It's really funny sometimes. And sometimes I honestly do it on purpose, but sometimes I will look super feminine and then I will participate in really masculine activities just to like fuck with people.
Because a lot of people don't know I helped my parents build our house. So I know how to do carpentry and electrical work and painting and siding and scaffolding. I know how to fix cars. I can change the oil, I can do engine work. I can pop the lights out and do like replacements on headlights and taillights and detailing. And I used to ride motorcycles. So when people talk about street bikes or dirt biking, I can actually participate in conversation. So I'm sitting there, in a dress and stilettos and a red lipstick, and I'm talking about things like, how to fix the car engine, or what to do if your radiator's overheating.
And people are like, wait, what? You know how to do what? And then there are other times where I'll be sitting somewhere in like a trench coat and I've got my glasses on, a beanie and I look very like, not broey, but like very hipster, very Seattle. And I'm talking about doing ornate calligraphy or baking or traditionally more feminine activities.
Like how I love to clean, because it's a stress reliever and I'm like, really like, what? So that's always fun. I was born in Florida, but my family moved here when I was two. So I just consider born and raised in Maple Valley (Washington) basically. It was fine. I mean, it's a small town, it was a small town when I was growing up. Now it's like started booming.
So there's a lot of new developments and a lot more people, there's a lot of churches, so it's very conservative and very gossipy. There's a lot of like, “this is what's happening with who and like why and how,” and information I don't need to know, which is kind of why I don't really do holidays at home anymore.
I don't necessarily need to hear about why someone's getting divorced or the fact that someone left so-and-so and now they're going to court over it. It's not interesting to me because I don't need to know the drama of other people's lives, but that's kind of what's interesting to people because there's not really anything else to do.
So when I was growing up doing those activities, like dirt biking and being on sports teams and doing extracurriculars, it made sense because it gave me something to do that wasn't just sitting around, talking about other people. Because I don't think that's something that people really need to do unless it's in a wholesome and uplifting way, like talking about the goodness of other people.
I think if people made that shift in mentality, it would be a nicer world. Honestly, Maple Valley was very, it's what it needed to be for that period of my life. I will say, I don't know necessarily that there is destiny or I don't know that our lives are pre-planned. I don't know that there's like an entity out there who says like, this is how your life's going to go and then gives us free will.
And then we really don't have free will because it's supposed to go a certain way anyways. But I do believe that things happen for a reason. And there is a time and a place for things to happen. And I do think about this a lot. I can see pivotal moments in my life where had things gone differently, I would not be where I am right now. Growing up in Maple Valley, I probably never would have chosen to go to SPU if I didn't live in Maple Valley because it was close enough to home that I could still visit. And it aligned with my parents' belief systems and then had I never chosen SPU, I wouldn't have ever chosen to settle inside Seattle and Capitol Hill. And if I had never come to Capitol Hill, I would have never grown into my true self and experimented with gender and expression and made the friends that I have, and kind of started to think more critically about life in general and come up to my own conclusions.
Had I not gone to Maple Valley as weird as it sounds, I probably just would have been one of those people who just becomes really unhappy with the world and the way the world works and gotten stuck in a small town. I feel like it's what would have happened.
I would have been one of those people that never leaves home. Gets married at like 22 and has some kids. And not that that's bad. I do have some friends who are in that boat right now, but they're also pursuing their passions. I don't know that I would've ever figured out my passions had I not left Maple Valley. So it was nice to be there so I could leave. I mean, it was okay, but had I grown up in the Midwest, The colleges I would have chosen would have probably been colleges that were somewhat isolated. Like Western, it's in Bellingham, it's a very small city.
It's kind of out of the way. As great as that sounds now, had I done that for college, I feel like I never would've had any experiences that led me to question my life and my personality and my mentality and my thought processes. But because I was at SPU and I was in the city, I feel like I was exposed to a lot more.
And by being exposed to a lot more, I was able to learn a little bit more. And then it caused me to want to learn even more. I think that's honestly, my biggest passion in life is learning. Whatever it is, whether it's going back to school or teaching myself how to do something.
I know how to do a lot of things just because I've taught myself how to do them because I like to learn. So had I gone somewhere else or had I grown up in a small town. I don't know that I ever would have figured that out. And so I feel like I would have just settled for staying stuck wherever I was.
I want this year to be a year of growth—Whether that's in my relationships and in my friendships or in my job or in all of the above. It's just to kind of push myself to do more than just be content in my space. Cause that's where I was a lot in 2019. And I was like, no, I need to do more.
People are telling me all the time I need to do more because they see my capabilities and they're like, no, you need to do more. So that's my goal this year is just do more. I mean my best friend, Lisa, she lives in Atlanta right now. So I want to try to make a trip down to her this year.
She was doing pottery when she was in Seattle. So she gave me the names of the studios that she went to so that I could do a little bit of investigation there and take some classes and kind of putting my feelers out there with new jobs and hopefully this one comes to fruition. And then that would introduce me to kind of a new lifestyle.
Essentially. I've never worked a nine to five. Ever. So working that consistent Monday to Friday schedule and having weekends off, I feel like it's going to open a lot of potential doors for me in terms of things I can say yes to, like, I was asked to walk in a fashion show in February and doing makeup.
I get a lot of those opportunities that I have to miss because it's always on the weekends and I work the weekends. So I think part of the saying yes to new opportunities is also saying, yes to kind of past opportunities. So I'm not going to start saying no to the people that I have in certain circles, just because I'm in a new circle.
I want to make time and space for them and say yes to them too. So I think it's just a funny little time management shift because you're in a new space, but you still need to say yes to the other spaces that you were in.
It's really funny, but I will look up karaoke tracks on YouTube and just put them on repeat and sing along to them while I'm getting ready or if it's a song I want to try out, I'll record myself doing it and then listen to it and then delete it.
I don't know that I love to hear myself recorded, but when everybody else is drunk, they don't really care. So I sound great to everybody. The first couple of times it was really nerve-wracking because I don't really drink a lot. So when I go out and do karaoke, I'm pretty much sober, but that's one of those things I love, I love to do it.
So I was like, no, I'm going to do it. I'm going to go every week. It's going to be my thing. So my friend, Alex—she's my cheerleader—she's like, “I'll go with you, but I'm not going to sing.” I was like, “That's fine. I'll sing. It's fine.” I usually try to do different ones. A comfortable song that I sing all the time is by Lauv, his song “I Like Me Better” because It doesn't really require a lot of effort to sing it. And so it's easy to warm up with. But a friend of mine sang Lady Gaga’s “You and I,” and ever since then, I was like, I want to sing that. And so occasionally I'll bring that out of the woodwork.
I always like to surprise people by going old school and doing like Frank Sinatra, because my voice can go deeper. My typical range is in the tenor realm. But then when I sing Frank Sinatra, my voice drops down a little bit lower and everybody's like, “what is going on?”
If I were to die tomorrow and I wanted to be known for something, I feel I would want to be known for my kindness. I don't know that I've ever hated a person. I don't know that I've ever vehemently felt negative emotions towards anyone. Towards corporate structures—Yes. But that's just because that's a little bit too much. I have a lot of acquaintances and I have a lot of friends. And I always hope to be a person that people can feel comfortable coming to because of my kindness and because of my intention with people.
I don't ever want people to feel like they’re other than, or not a part of. And so in my friend circles, I always try to make sure people feel included and welcomed, and that it's a safe space to be in, which has done good things and bad things in my life because I do also end up learning a lot of information that I don't necessarily want to, or need to know about other people.
But I also am very grateful that people are comfortable sharing those things with me. So I think I would want to be remembered for my kindness and for being known as an empathetic person, like kindness and empathy.
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Photography by Alexa Ashley
Theme music by Kymani Thomas
Hosted by Alexa Ashley
Audio Editing by Mo Isu