"Fuck Being Realistic."—Dolores Reynals
Listen above, on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Transcript:
Alexa Ashley: I’m Alexa Ashley and this is Eyes Wide. In this episode we get to hear from Actress, Writer and Voice Over Artist, Dolores Reynals. Dolores grew up in Argentina, has lived a nomadic lifestyle for over 20 years and talks with us about living with curiosity and an open mind.
Alexa Ashley: What was it like growing up as Dolores?
Dolores Reynals: So I'm the eldest of four kids. And after me came triplets, my brother and my two sisters. So my house was pretty crazy and fun, but very crazy. And I grew up in a city called Mendoza at the feet of the Andes mountains in Argentina. It's a big enough city. So, there was a lot to do and still, you know, surrounded by nature and at the border with Chile. So we got to go to Chile a lot. That was our escape from the city. Yeah. It was good.
Alexa Ashley: What was it like growing up with that many people in your house?
Dolores Reynals: My house? It was great because it was fun... So we had a lot of challenges between us, ‘cause we were so close. We're only two years apart. So my mom had like four kids that were the same age. So there was a lot of battling between us. But still we managed to play all together a lot too.
So, I had a lot of company and then I craved being alone very much. So for me, it was going to my grandmother's house. That's where I felt I could be alone or have some attention. And like, do my thing without somebody taking my toys or breaking what I'm building. So that was my grandma's house.
And we all kind of took turns going to their home. And then we could come back, integrate back into the madness. It was really mad. Every night there was something, some issue. My mom would come home to something going on, some drama every single day.
Alexa Ashley: So you were one of how many?
Dolores Reynals: Four.
Alexa Ashley: And you were the only one that wasn't born at the same time.
Dolores Reynals: Yeah.
Alexa Ashley: What was that like?
Dolores Reynals: So there were, yeah, that's an interesting question. The three of them, even though they would fight a lot because they're three kids the same age and there was a lot of, well, obviously competition, etc. And, you know, struggle for identity between them. They have a bond that I can never understand, you know, I can never go there. So if something’s going on with one of them, the other one knows that etc. That still happens today. We're living in different parts of the world. So they had this thing that even if they were fighting, if I tried to be the referee or like the big sister, if I went in there to defend one or fix something, the others would just like attack me, kind of like, I could never go in there.
It was something. So I was part of the four, but I was very much outside. It's like, I understood how to keep myself outside of something, you know, how to keep my distance, like know where I cannot go in. I mean, it sounds very dramatic. It wasn't so much like that, but, I couldn't, there's something that I couldn't go into.
And I would be like the big sister, but I couldn't go in there. If I ever tried to calm something down in there, I would just put more wood into the fire. I learned to not, how do you say? Like put your nose into where you don't belong? Kind of, yeah. They envied me because I had my own identity. They were like, oh, you're so lucky. You're just one. Because they always had to fight for their place. So I felt a bit lonely sometimes because I wasn't part of something like the way they were, but then I learned to value being alone.
Alexa Ashley: Interesting. So then you had your grandparents' house, it's like your mini escape from your family?
Dolores Reynals: It was an oasis. I got spoiled there. At home there was no chance of being spoiled. We were so many and my mom was tired. Both my parents had their own businesses, so they would work even on weekends. And there was no being spoiled, you know, we would share everything. What was yours was everybody's, it was kind of like that.
And at my grandmothers, it would be like, “What would you like to eat?” You know, that kind of thing. So they baked you something. Like what? So we went to be spoiled.
Alexa Ashley: So at your grandparents, it was like an escape from family, but then Chile was your family's escape?
Dolores Reynals: Yes. Chile was, because you know, if you want to go to the seaside, which is something you waited for all year, if you wanted to do that, if you went to the Argentinian side, you'd have to drive for like 20 hours to get to the ocean.
So Chile was five hours away, four hours. I mean, Chile is four hours away at the most, but the ocean was like four and a half, five hours away from our house on the Chilean side. So we would just cross the Andes to Chile and that's where we would have a vacation. And my dad had grown up in Chile a lot because his grandma was from there. So it was kind of somewhere we always went to.
Alexa Ashley: You mentioned that both of your parents had their own businesses. What did
they do?
Dolores Reynals: Yeah, my mom, she first had a kindergarten where I went to, she was the headmistress and it was in her old home, the office was in her old bedroom. And so she could see the front door from that office. She was never there because she can't stay still much. So we went to that kindergarten and then she changed for a travel agency.
So she was a travel agent and my dad was a lawyer and my mom still is a travel agent. She's in her seventies and she still does it. She loves it. I remember Sundays. We would go to the office with them and play in their office, the travel agency and my dad's office was next door. They worked so hard. They would take us with them there to play.
Alexa Ashley: So they had their own businesses and then they chose to have their offices next to each other
Dolores Reynals: Yeah. Because my dad was also involved in the travel agency ‘cause he likes it too. They both like to travel.
Alexa Ashley: Cool. Did you get to go on a lot of trips with your mom being in that?
Dolores Reynals: No. Just Chile. And that was like, oh, what a relief with changing countries. I used to love that feeling of like, oh, I'm in another country, like resting from your country kind of, I don't know. We grew up looking at brochures of places. Like my mom had all these brochures and we would just look at them and dream of going places. They would travel together. But we were so many, they couldn't take us. My mom got to go on fun tours. You know, where you get to see the hotels. So she would go to Hawaii, Peru.
Alexa Ashley: And now as an adult, how many countries have you visited?
Dolores Reynals: I don't know. Definitely more than 10 or around that. I don't know. Yeah.
Alexa Ashley: Do you feel like your love for travel kind of started when you were a kid and your curiosity
Dolores Reynals: Yes. Definitely started when I was a kid because my mom has a million stories of trips. She lived in Chile, she lived in Spain when she was young, and since she was 18, she started to live abroad. Also my family stories are like, you know, “Your great grandparents came from Spain. This guy came from Italy” and this was the story.
“He ran away from this, and this is how they started.” And so it was all trip stories, stories of changing your life and going places. And between that and my mom's travel agency. I was always curious to go somewhere else or live somewhere else or I used to always wonder what it would be like to just change your life and live somewhere else from the stories from my grandma.
Alexa Ashley: So the first time that you changed your countries of where you lived, is that when you came to the states?
Dolores Reynals: Well when was that? Well, no, I went to Spain first. So there's a tradition in my family, from my mom's side. Her grandma used to take all the granddaughters to Granada in Spain to Andalusia, and the women would learn flamenco dancing and she would take them in a boat and then bring them back to Argentina.
So I was offered that, but I couldn't dance flamenco because I was too, well I was told I couldn't because I had scoliosis. Like my spine was a bit, how do you say—bent? Twisted and bent? I probably could have danced anyway, but I took it very seriously, and I didn't. So I went to Spain and I stayed at my uncle's house for a few months.
And then I didn't dance flamenco so I was bored. I was like, what can I do? Everything was closed for the summer. And I went to live in a house up in the mountains of the Alpujarras, which is like a little group of towns in the mountains of Spain, in the south of Spain. That's where my great-grandfather was from. He was from one of those little towns and I stayed in one of the towns at the top. And I was an apprentice tour guide for a while. That was my first house that I rented by myself.
Alexa Ashley: Wow. How old were you?
Dolores Reynals: 18. My mom didn't know that I was doing that, when they found out they made me come back.
Alexa Ashley: Why?
Dolores Reynals: Because they want...well, because they could still control me in a way, because in Argentina, you're not independent from your parents until you're 21. And my mother thought that I was...she said that “You didn't go from the Andes to hide in the Sierras of Spain. So come down from there and do something else.” So I went traveling for a little bit.
Alexa Ashley: What did she want you to do?
Dolores Reynals: Well, maybe what she did or something where she knew what I was doing. She wanted me to visit Paris and go see my uncle in Italy and meet the family from Europe and then come back home. That was her plan for me. But I found a pen that had an eraser on the back where you touch the ink with the eraser and the ink disappears.
And I had a little thing of seven trips on a train and I used it 20 something times with that pen. I stole my way through Europe. And they were like, “Why are you not coming back yet, what money are you living with?” So I just stayed as long as I could.
Alexa Ashley: That's so cool. Did you enjoy your time as an apprentice tour guide in the mountains?
Dolores Reynals: Yeah, I loved it. I loved it. I thought those mountains were just little hills and stuff and I didn't have the right gear. So sometimes I found myself in the snow without the right shoes, because I thought this is like a small mountain and we're by the sea, but then you got up a bit and there was snow almost up to your knees. You know, the snow that never dies. So I learned some things about not assuming what some landscape is going to be like, just ask questions.
Alexa Ashley: What was your boss like?
Dolores: Oh he was great. Jesus is his name. He was just a really fun guy who was a good leader and always in a good mood. Very cheerful.
Alexa Ashley: Where did you go on your multiple train adventure journey?
Dolores Reynals: I went to, well, around Spain...first I went to Italy to meet my family, and then I went around France and then to England thinking I'm going to stay there. But then I came back. Ireland, where else did I go? I can't remember. Amsterdam. I went to where else? I don’t know, around those places. Madrid, Southern Italy, Barcelona, Paris. I went twice to Paris.
Alexa Ashley: And this is your first time, like in different countries without parents?
Dolores Reynals: Yes. That was my first time in a different country without my parents. I stayed in Nice for a long time. I made friends in that hostel because when you travel alone, you meet a lot of people.
Alexa Ashley: Do you still talk to anybody from those adventures?
Dolores Reynals: Yes I do. My friend from Chile, Veronica. I met her in Barcelona and then I met these Canadian girls in Nice. And from Mexico, Barcelona. And I talked to all of them. And I've seen them.
Alexa Ashley: So you didn't stay in England, but then at some point in your life, you moved back. Yeah?
Dolores Reynals: Yes. I remember being in London thinking I'm going to live here. I just knew it. I think I sat on the side of a bridge and I thought I'm going to sit here when I'm older, again. I just knew that I would come back. I didn't know when. And actually I went back two years later. Yeah. Two years later I was back there. Living and I stayed for many years.
Alexa Ashley: How many?
Dolores Reynals: First, seven, then I left. And then two years later I came back and I stayed for like another five. Then I left and then I came back again.
Alexa Ashley: Were you in London all those times?
Dolores Reynals: Yes, I was. I thought I was going to live in Brighton, but I ended up in London. Have you been there?
Alexa Ashley: Yes, I love Brighton. Super cool. And then when did you come to the States?
Dolores Reynals: I went to the States actually, right before London
Alexa Ashley: The first time?
Dolores Reynals: Yes, the first time. After that European trip, I did university in Argentina for a year, but then I left before arriving in London to save money. I went to the U.S. and I lived in Washington, DC and I translated news into Spanish from a radio station in the morning. And then I worked in a bookstore and then in a restaurant to make money, to start studying in London.
Alexa Ashley: And that's crazy that you went to the U.S. to save money. It seems like it's one of the most expensive places to live in.
Dolores Reynals: Oh, you're right. Actually, I haven't, I never thought about that. It is expensive, but you can save. You get paid well, like if you have two jobs, I had two or three, because the radio station wasn't paid, but I wanted to do it. And then I had the bookstore and the restaurant. If you work in the U.S. you can make money. I didn't spend much.
Alexa Ashley: And you told me that you were working at the restaurant with your boyfriend?
Dolores Reynals: Yes, well, first we got this job at a Pizza Hut in a place called Hampton, Virginia. Because we went to the U.S. with a work and travel program that they used to do. And if you pay extra, they find you a job in the U.S. and within the whole U.S. they found us a job at a Pizza Hut in Hampton, Virginia, and then we enjoyed it. It was fun for a bit because we were with a group of people from Latin America and then we were like, okay, we're done.
I remember the fun thing to do was to go to the library. There was nothing else to do. So after being to the library 10 times, we were like, okay, let's get out. No offense to Hampton, Virginia. Because it's very beautiful. So we got our tip money and got on a Greyhound bus and went to Washington DC. And I love Washington DC.
Alexa Ashley: What did you love about it?
Dolores Reynals: It was kind of like a big city, but not too big. And I think for me, that was a really good transition before I lived in London, like a not too big city. You could get around, like there was this bus that took you to the Kennedy center. And I remember going once a week there for live music. It was just beautiful to walk around. There was good food, music everywhere. It was great.
Alexa Ashley: So now you are an actor and a voice actor and a writer. What else do you do?
Dolores Reynals: What else do I do? Well, I think that's it.
Alexa Ashley: What was your journey like getting to do those things?
Dolores Reynals: I studied journalism and theater. Then I left journalism for theater.
Alexa Ashley: Was that in Argentina?
Dolores Reynals: Yes, in Argentina for a year. I liked journalism because I liked the writing part, but then the theater caught me much more. I changed universities, went back to my hometown and started theater and committed to it, with a degree.
But obviously then I left a year later and that year I started working in radio, just doing comedy characters, then helping in production at siesta time at another radio station, but just doing comedy here and there in different shows. And that gave me the confidence later on in London to, you know, when I was studying theater in London to start doing voiceover just slowly started going into recording.
Alexa Ashley: What do you love about theater that journalism didn't have for you?
Dolores Reynals: What a question. I was studying journalism and I went to see a play. I was doing theater at night, like once a week. That was the deal with my parents. Like, we're gonna pay for your degree if you do something else.
And they were doing that and I could do theater one night a week. And during that time I went to see a play by Peter Brooke in the international theater festival in Buenos Aires. And I went to see that show. And it was like, I don’t know how to describe it. I went in there and it wasn't like a play. There were people from all ages working...a lot of old people on stage. And the way it was told. I don't know how to describe it.
There were cameras in like the screens, you would go inside of their minds because it was about an Oliver Sacks book—The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat. It was inspired by that. So it was like all kinds of neurological conditions that these men had and the way that they described it was very poetic. It wasn't like there was, you know, like these lines and this tension here and there, it was different.
The way it was told, it wasn't like a play. It wasn't like anything I'd ever seen before. And I was so transported inside another world. I just loved everything, it made me feel and think about it and I thought this is one of the most powerful experiences I've ever been in. I want to do more of this, I want to be a part of this. So that's when I left journalism.
Alexa Ashley: I'm wondering what drew you to want to be an actor versus a playwright or composer for plays? What is it about being in it that grabs you?
Dolores Reynals: I don't really know, but I think it's more, what's your natural ability or what you've got developed at that time, you know? Like, naturally I'm a performer. And so that's where I find I express myself better. I mean, and now I write, but play writing wasn't the first thing that drew me. That's like instinctual. You're like, “This is what I want to do.” I mean, there must be a reason. But I don't think about it. I don't know.
Alexa Ashley: Do you remember performing when you were little?
Dolores Reynals: Yeah. I remember getting really nervous and I remember it being fun. But, yeah, getting nervous.
Alexa Ashley: And then when did it turn from nervousness to fun?
Dolores Reynals: When you go on stage, you're not nervous anymore.
Alexa Ashley: So it's just the before?
Dolores Reynals: Yeah. It's the before. But then I remember my brother being so scared of going on stage that he would cry and cry and I was like, “Just don't make him go on stage.” And they would send me to calm him down and I did, but then he'd be like crying on stage, crying on stage dressed as a tree, just crying his eyes out. And I was like, “I told you not to make him go on.” And now he's a musician and he just loves being on stage.
Alexa Ashley: Do you feel like you and your siblings have similar interests?
Dolores Reynals: Yeah, my sister is a filmmaker. The three of them write. My brother and one of my sisters write poetry and my other sister writes film scripts. So the three of them write.
Alexa Ashley: Do you think that they're inspired by you?
Dolores Reynals: No, I think I didn't write, I wrote after them, I started writing way after they'd been writing for a long time. That has nothing to do with me. I don't know where that comes from actually.
Alexa Ashley: Your parents are not, are they artistic?
Dolores Reynals: No, but I think everyone is in a way, but they didn't dedicate themselves to art at all, actually. Not at all. But my mom used to dance, she dances flamenco. At every party my mom was like in the middle of dancing, that kind of thing. And they appreciate art very much in my house. I don't know where that comes from. I really don't know. Yes. My dad made us all read a lot. Well, invited us all to read a lot.
Alexa Ashley: What was your favorite book when you were little?
Dolores Reynals: I cried and I cried until they finally bought me Little Women because I was too young to have a book. I was six. And I was like, “Give me Little Women.” I couldn't even read. They got it for me. I read four pages. I was exhausted. So tired. I don't think I even read four. I mean, that's an exaggeration, probably two. I remember the first page. I used to know it by heart because I tried again and again, but I had this book and, you know, it was so exciting. It was mine, this yellow cover, hardcover.
Alexa Ashley: What did you like about it?
Dolores Reynals: I liked that it was about girls and these girls were really imaginative. That's what I liked about it. And they had this situation, they were poor, but they would make the most of their—you know—what they had and use their imagination. I don't know. I love that story. I still love it. Then my granddad got me The Knights of the Round Table or something. And I think I read some of it too.
Alexa Ashley: What kind of book do you feel like has made the most impact on you? How you live your life?
Dolores Reynals: Oh, I don't know. It's hard to pick one book. I'm sure later on it'll pop into my mind, but I don't know.
Alexa Ashley: Top three?
Dolores Reynals: Top three? Oh, I don't know. I did love The Old Man and the Sea—Hemingway. Definitely Little Women. What else? Another book. There's so many. I don't want to pick one. I'll betray the others. I'm very indecisive.
Alexa Ashley: Are you a Libra too?
Dolores Reynals: No, I'm a Virgo. Are you a Libra?
Alexa Ashley: Si. What about The Old Man and the Sea was inspiring to you?
Dolores Reynals: I cannot remember now. I stole it from some nuns that I used to live with. Maybe that's inspiring. I lived with nuns. After my Europe trip, my parents told me we'll pay for your degree if you live with these nuns. I live with these nuns and I stole this book from them.
Alexa Ashley: Wait, why did you live with nuns?
Dolores Reynals: Ok so they were called Consecrated Servant Wives of God, some kind of nuns. They get married to Jesus at the church. They wear white. There's a ceremony. There's a wedding. But they can have a job. Like they can be anything they want to be, but they're married to Jesus or God, one of them. And they live in this house and they'll wear long skirts and jumpers and they have this residency for women and I used to live there. There was a curfew. I tried to meet it.
Alexa Ashley: What was that like?
Dolores Reynals: That was very interesting because I had come from backpacking in Europe with all the freedom, back into a curfew. And still, I was in Buenos Aires so I was very inspired, but it was contradictory to my life.
Alexa Ashley: How long did that last?
Dolores Reynals: A year, till I left Buenos Aires. And they had a room with books.
Alexa Ashley: And you stole that book from them?
Dolores Reynals: Yes. And then I started to love Hemingway. I don't love him so much anymore. I think I liked his short stories more than his novels.
Alexa Ashley: I like how you stole something from nuns.
Dolores Reynals: Yes, thank you. Oh, and then I gave it to my cousin. And she was like Dolores if you don't give this back, you're going to get bad karma. And I was like what's karma? And she explained it to me. I don't know if I ever put it back. I don’t know.
Alexa Ashley: What do you remember most from the book?
Dolores Reynals: The images, like images of the boy. Images of the man, of the sea.
Alexa Ashley: Was it illustrated or just in your mind?
Dolores Reynals: In my mind. Just images. And all of the Hemingway stories, I remember images. Can you remember things you read? I used to love Milan Kundera for instance and the other day I was thinking, what was it? I read all these books, I cannot remember what they were about.
Alexa Ashley: It's like we absorb the information that's most important to us, subconsciously, but it's not like conscious in our minds.
Dolores Reynals: Exactly. Maybe there's like no room for all of them.
Alexa Ashley: There's no room for all of it. Yeah, so now you're a voice over actress and an actress and a writer. Did those all come at the same time? Or, which ones came...theater was first?
Dolores Reynals: My love for theater was first, but at the same time that I was studying theater, I was working as a voice actor. So that came first really.
Alexa Ashley: Professionally?
Dolores Reynals: Yeah. Actually that was professional. It wasn't planned or anything, I wasn't wanting to do it. It just happened. And that was the first time that I was performing, but I got very nervous the first day. That came first. Then I graduated. Yeah, the acting came way later because, you know, go try to get work as an actor. And it takes a while sometimes—it did for me, in London. No, actually after I graduated, I got work, but you know, it's like I was starting, I was going to university. I was working. So that came later and then the voiceover was there too. I didn't think I was ever gonna write. I remember liking writing when I was in journalism school thinking, “Oh, I'm going to be a travel writer,” then I forgot all about it—all about it. And then I started writing much, much later on like 20 years after that, after the journalism thing.
Alexa Ashley: When you first fell in love with theater at the Oliver Sacks play...
Dolores Reynals: The Peter Brook play. Yeah.
Alexa Ashley: You said that it was fascinating, like learning about neurology and stuff and all the different neurological conditions...
Dolores Reynals: It was more fascinating to go into someone else's world that way. With images and like, it was poetic and with their performance.
Alexa Ashley: Do you feel like even still, and throughout your career, like acting has taught you about people? You feel like you've learned about people through acting?
Dolores: Yeah. You learn about people. You learn about yourself.
Alexa Ashley: What did you learn or what have you learned?
Dolores Reynals: I don't know. Well, I don't know a lot. I think you kind of learn a lot. Things you would have never considered or, you know, there's always surprises. I don't know the life of a woman that you would never live as.
Alexa Ashley: It seems like you have a pretty free spirit in where you can live. And right now you're living in Tulum. You've lived in England and Spain. Do you feel like you've always had kind of a free spirit or when do you see that happening or shaping your life?
Dolores Reynals: I know that I'm not, I mean, I do settle down for a while. Like in England I stayed for so long. But there's a point where you feel it and you're like, okay, done. And you feel like it's the end of a chapter and then instinctually, there's a moment where you know where you're going to go. I would have never, ever imagined that from London, I would end up in Ibiza, but I suddenly wanted to go and a week later, I left London and I went to Ibiza and then to Argentina.
I feel it’s an instinctual thing. Sometimes there's a practical reason behind it, you know, like going to London and then studying theater there. It makes sense, right? I mean, I wanted to study in Cuba, but I needed to pay for the whole degree. And my parents, bless them. I'm being very hard on them. They were very supportive later on, but they were like, “No, we're not going to pay for your degree in Cuba.”So I was like, “Okay, I can't save the money.” I needed to have the whole money for the whole two years of studying in Cuba. So I thought, “Okay, I'll go somewhere where I can work.” And I went to London.
So, since I was little I was dreaming of going somewhere else, dreaming of living in different places because my mom had done it. And my family had done it and I knew that I could, and my parents used to tell me, “Look you can live anywhere in the world and just learn the language and respect the law of the place.” That's what my dad used to say, “You respect the law where you're going and you can go anywhere.” So I used to think, “The world is my home. You can go anywhere.”
It's not so easy then when you try and get a visa to certain places, but everything is usually doable. And yeah, it's like I feel it instinctually where I want to go and that's how I arrived here. How you arrived here probably. And I don't know where I'll go next, but yeah, it could be that I stay somewhere for 10 years or three months, you know?
Alexa Ashley: The idea that you just said everything is usually doable. I don't think that most people have that mentality. I think it's very unique and helpful in living a free-spirited, self-guided life. How do you feel like you came to that conclusion? Like everything is usually doable?
Dolores Reynals: (Laughing) From trying and getting it done. You know, like sometimes when you're young and you have all this energy and you do crazy things like work every single day. I remember doing university in London, not having a day off for like eight months, you know? Every living day that I wasn't in university, I was working and thinking, “What is a day off? Who cares? Who needs that?” And then fainting once at work ‘cause I was so tired, but like I used to think that whatever I want to do, I can. I don't know.
I think it's a dreamer kind of mind, you know, like if you're a dreamer and that's just the way that you are, you're not going to see a lot of limits and you're going to hit yourself, your face against the wall and you will do, but then us people who are like that. We ended up doing things that—you know—the things that you dream of or beyond. And hit your face against the wall. (Laughter) But it’s like, you have to not see a lot of limits—if you see the limits, and you're very realistic. Forget it. I never want to be realistic. You know? I'd rather be a dreamer.
I think it's a dreamer kind of mind, you know, like if you're a dreamer and that's just the way that you are, you're not going to see a lot of limits…but then us people who are like that…we end up doing things that—you know—the things that you dream of or beyond. And hit your face against the wall.
—Dolores Reynals
Alexa Ashley: Have you gotten any resistance to that idea of being a dreamer?
Dolores Reynals: From the world and people?
Alexa Ashley: Si and family?
Dolores: Oh, yeah! Well, my family was a bit like that. My brother and sisters are like that. I think my parents kind of, you know, even in spite of trying to control me just because I was the first child and they didn't know what the world was like now out there etc. Yeah, you get some resistance, but when you're a dreamer, you don't really see it. You know? Then you get your heart broken obviously, but that's just your nature. But you just go on. Unrealistically go on.
Alexa Ashley: What makes you keep trying shit when it doesn't work?
Dolores Reynals: I don't know—what makes me keep trying shit? It's just like the love of life, kind of, you know? And I think it's the perspective that each person has, you know? Maybe there were things, obviously there must've been things I didn't do ‘cause I was scared. I'm sure—like we all have our limits. I can't remember now, but I'm sure. Yeah, there has to have been.
Alexa Ashley: I was wondering what’s like the time that you remember most, where you thought about giving up or not doing something?
Dolores Reynals: Giving up? What? On what? Oh yeah. Many times you think about giving up all the time. Just don't give up. Don't you? Like, think of giving up? And then what happens? You give up and then the next day you're over it, right? That's what happens, right? I think I gave up and then the next day, I'm over it. Sometimes when you are trying to do something and then it's hard, you do think about giving up.
Alexa Ashley: Do you remember one moment where you were closest to doing that in life? Or in career?
Dolores Reynals: Yeah, I remember also when people were telling me to give up. I was like, “Oh, I hadn't thought about that.” I remember I was in London one of the times that I had lived away from London and then come back to London. I'd been living in Spain for a bit in Madrid. No, in Argentina then in Madrid. And then came back to London and then it was like, I was what, 30, yeah, 29. And I was working a million jobs, you know, like temping jobs and in an office and selling makeup in a new shoe shop. And I never had money to do anything. Because you know, I want to be free from, you know, when you're a temp you can say “Tomorrow, I'm not coming to work because I have an audition or a gig.”
And so then that freedom is expensive. You make less money, you don't get paid for holidays and things like that. Or like when you're sick. And so I remember I was renting a room at my friend's house for a while. And then I slept on her sofa for a while. And she was like, “Oh, I wish that you could come to dinner with us and do things like that. And why didn't you just like, for once, try to just leave this acting stuff, you know, because, don't you want to have a life? And I was like, “Oh, that is my life. I don't care about going to dinner.” Do you know what I mean?
But they were saying like, “What if you have money for a change? Wouldn't that be amazing? Why didn't you leave that acting thing? It's like, isn't it really tough?” And I was like “Yeah, it is really tough.” And I did consider it. I was like, “Oh, that would be so nice,” right? To have a salary and just leave the acting thing, you know, I did consider it for five minutes—five minutes. And then you're like, “No, I can't because this is just who I am. This is what I do.”
Alexa Ashley: Are you glad that you didn't give up?
Dolores Reynals: I don't know. Yeah, no, I am glad. Yeah. I mean….No yeah, I am. I am. I had this temping job once as a Human Resources Coordinator somewhere. And actually I started to make some money with it and I remember how my mom was so happy. My friends were happy that I could join, you know, my friends weren't actors. Because my friends who were actors were the same as me. They're all artists but I started to join those things. And then they said at that job, like, do you want to become a permanent at this place? And I said no. And I remember how disappointed my mom was and everybody. And yes you want to give up, but also you want to give up from other things, like you have an idea of how your life should go.
If you're an actor, right. Or if you're a, I don't know, a writer or etc. Any art thing, you have this idea or I had this idea like, “Okay, I'm a struggling actor.” And then there's a point where it becomes, it gets better and I get jobs, right. And I get paid from those jobs and then I get more jobs and then it becomes better.
But, that didn't happen, you know? You're up and you're down. And one day you're feeling something, the next day you're scene in the cutting room, in the bin of the cutting room and then the next day you're up and then you're down, you know that's the way it goes. So I think I wish I had relaxed more about that stuff and not had an idea of how it should go or not.
Alexa Ashley: It's hard to let go of expectations. And like part of being a dreamer is kind of having large expectations.
Dolores Reynals: Yeah. I guess you're right.
Alexa Ashley: Or else you don't really get anywhere.
Dolores Reynals: Yeah, exactly. You need some of that.
Alexa Ashley: Maybe it's like expectations—but holding them loosely.
Dolores Reynals: Yes. Or like you should open up your mind as to what you can do or, you know, I wish I had. Because then even if you're an artist, there's an industry and the industry they kind of push you to what you should do as an artist and you should go this way and this is the way you should do it. And then your agent wants you to be like, they still like that, but you know, they need to make some money. And then you fall, and you can fall into a matrix inside of the arts too.
Alexa Ashley: True. What do you feel has helped you keep your mind open the most in life?
Dolores Reynals: I'm not that, you know, I sound like it. I'm not that open minded. I do crash against myself and go like, “Oh, you should open up your mind.” What has? I think experience. You end up having to. I think I'm lucky how I grew up because you know, not everybody comes from a home where they tell you that you have possibility. So even though I come from a conservative town, my parents always spoke about possibility—and then they try to control me, but they spoke about it. (laughter)
They made me read, you know, open up my mind. Reading has opened up my mind a lot. A lot. I think experience and the people that you meet. That too. I always knew that even though I like come from a place where everybody's kind of the same, I always knew I wanted to live in cities where people were different from each other.
Like it was more multicultural, more diverse. I always knew that I wanted to live in places like that. Even now in Tulum, we're in Mexico in a little jungle by the sea and it's pretty diverse. So yeah, I guess that opens up your mind.
Alexa Ashley: For sure. Just being around different people with different ideas. You said you still feel like you have room to grow in open-mindedness and stuff. Is there something that you feel kind of called to explore right now?
Dolores Reynals: My life was going in one direction and a year ago it just went back into my direction. That opened up my mind. When I turned 40, I had an idea of what my life should be like, whether I like it or not. It's true. I had it, like, I think I did have an idea. I had an idea of what I should have done or how I should be settled, etc.—or how I should live. I don't know why I had that. Now I'm 41. Thank God. (Laugher) And it’s different now.
I'm living, I'm learning about following my instinct more because you think that growing up is—or getting older means that you'll turn into a certain person—you know, that this dreamer that I am is gonna turn into this settled, whatever that means, person that you know...and no way—I'm worse, the reality is I am worse, which is great. So I'm learning to accept that, you know, accepting who I really am and getting to know who I am and I think I do. So that's something I'm still learning.
Alexa Ashley: What are you learning the most right now about yourself?
Dolores Reynals: For example, when I moved here, I was like, “Oh, I'm going to move in the middle of the jungle. I'm going to be alone.” Yeah, I like being alone, but I'm not so much of a loner. I like people more than I thought I did. That's something I learned. What else? I don't know many things I can think of. I accepted that some parts of us don't change much since we're like eight, you know—they shouldn't. (Laughter) I started writing more last year and also, you know, I'm learning that I have these stories and, and that I'm a storyteller in general, not the way I thought I was only, you know?
I accepted that some parts of us don't change much since we're like eight—they shouldn't.
—Dolores Reynals
Alexa Ashley: I guess if we can dream, but hold our expectations lightly, what kind of impact would you like to have on the world or in your small community?
Dolores Reynals: Just not do any damage. (Laughter) I don't know. I would like to contribute...I want to tell stories, not just mine, other people's. What do I want to do? Yeah. Just connect, get people to connect to each other, to themselves. That's what I want to do.
Alexa Ashley: That’s so important.
Dolores Reynals: It's a bit vague, right? It sounds vague, but that's it.
Alexa Ashley: As a fellow storyteller and lover of stories, what do you feel like, are the—let's assume that best in this context means your highest goal, which is to get people to connect to themselves and to each other—what would you say is the best part of stories?
Dolores: Well, they reveal something unknown to you. Like in a good story, the person or creature, what happens to the thing going through the journey...something happens to them where their world changes, right? So something's revealed. Like what we learned, you know, we just opened a little new window in our mind, you know, that's what the stories do. Start to open windows in your mind, whatever that means. I don't know. I am not high. I do not do drugs. (Laughter) But yeah, I don't know. It's the, what we can learn about each other, you know? And then understand each other better.
Alexa Ashley: What do you feel like was revealed to you about yourself when your life has changed?
Dolores Reynals: You mean when my life has changed, like drastically? What I learned about?
Alexa Ashley: Like in your narrative and in your story. Those parts where something drastic changes, or you feel like was revealed to you about yourself?
Dolores Reynals: Oh God. So much. Well, sometimes you learn about how strong you are or what you're doing that you realize, “Why am I doing this?” You know, “Actually I don't like this,” when those things happen, you kind of get a magnifying glass on yourself. Right? I then like, “Oh, look, let's change that.” Or, “Oh, this is where I am here. This is how strong I am or how weak I am here. There was a crack here.” Am I being vague again? Yes. I'm being very vague.
Alexa Ashley: This is the part where you start interviewing yourself. (Laughter) I like it. So much is revealed to us in those times where we feel like flipped over on our backs and we're like, “Ah, how do I get out? I don't know. Like can I get up?”
Dolores: Can I get up? Yeah, exactly.
Alexa Ashley: Maybe in closing, if there's one thing that you want to be known for what would you like to be known for?
Dolores Reynals: Oh no, you say that. And I just want to put a cover on myself. No, just forget it. I don't know. No, no, there's nothing I want to be known for. Sorry.
Well maybe someone who...somebody who said, “Fuck being realistic.” I don't know. It's just, if anything, yeah, at least it would be like, “Okay, well this one didn't give in.” That's it. “She didn't give in.” That's it. That's the one, “She didn't give in” or “give up.” She didn't give in. I don't even know if I'm saying it correctly. Because it’s in English. Do I really want to, is that what I want to say? “She remained herself.”
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Photography by Alexa Ashley
Theme music by Kymani Thomas
Audio Editing by Infinite Sounds